Most of the time, I try to write posts that are about me AND you. I hope my stories resonate and provide comfort or make you think about your own life.

Today's post is different. It’s COMPLETELY about me.

It seemed about time for a straightforward introduction about myself and my coaching practice.

Now, some of you have known me for a long time. I'm deeply grateful to my friends and clients who have supported me throughout the years. You might not know why I made my big career switch in 2018. So I’m sharing the scoop in this post.

Many of you are friends I haven't met (yet). Or we've talked once or twice at a social or business event. This post gives you a bit more insight into what I do and why I do it.

So, here you go.

The origin story of Shadowlands Grief and Life Coaching: how I came to do this profound work of walking people through the deep experience of grief, loss, and later-in-life transitions.

The Pivotal Moment

Back in 2015, my husband's and my life changed overnight when my father-in-law passed out in a restaurant. He was living alone at the time, about an hour from where we live.

An ER doctor called us because he found our phone number in my father-in-law’s wallet. The doctor said he wasn’t competent to live alone and appointed my husband to become his caretaker.

And just like that, we were in charge of his dad's care and affairs.

In the meantime, my own parents, who lived 500 miles away, began developing their own life-changing health conditions. My father had back surgery to improve his mobility and, instead, ended up a permanent wheelchair user. He spent seven months in a rehab hospital.

During that time, my mother developed complications from colon surgery performed a decade earlier. Then heart problems. Then strokes. She was in and out of the hospital for more than two years.

As our oldest family members were rapidly declining, my job of 15+ years started deteriorating.

For most of those years, I loved my job. Then new leadership took over and changed the whole character of my work. I went from teaching and workshop development to spending hours in front of a computer, tediously entering data, and working on other meaningless tasks.

 I struggled to get out of bed. I felt like I was suffocating.

And then, in Christmas 2017, Mom started actively dying.

My tolerance for work circumstances crashed completely. As I sat vigil for six days with my mostly unconscious mother, I could no longer resist the truth.

“Enough,” my heart said. “It’s time to get back to work that means something to you. To get back to making contributions to the world.”

My mother died the first week of January 2018. Two days later, I resigned from my job.

I gave seven months’ notice. And then, finally, I walked away to pursue my new calling.

My New Life Mission

I knew what I wanted to do. 

I wanted to support people who felt like their life might disintegrate when a loved one died. Who wanted guidance and support in figuring out how to pick up the pieces and go on.

My own experience was painful and confusing and lonely. I wanted people going through this universal experience of loss to have a type of support I could never find.

I wasn't sure what I'd call myself, but I had a solid vision of what I wanted to offer. 

My educational background gave me a good foundation for starting my new service.

I have a PhD in educational psychology, which is the study of how humans learn and develop. Educational psychologists understand that people grow profoundly through life transitions caused by a crisis or major life challenge.

The death of loved ones is one of those events. It levels you. But it also can make you wiser, stronger, and more resilient. 

I cobbled together my own training experience by becoming a certified life coach and end-of-life doula. I took grief coaching classes and read the work of some of the best grief experts around. It allowed me to create a practice that guides people through "resilient grieving."

Resilient grieving refers to coping strategies that promote emotional relief and personal growth after a loss. My methods are rooted in bereavement research that defines best practices for adjusting to life after loss.

Now, I pursue my mission of overturning one of the most pervasive and damaging myths out there about grief.

The myth that you never recover from grief. You just learn to live with it.

The truth: Grief is a normal reaction to loss. If you engage with it, you can move through it more quickly. Plus, you gain incredible clarity and courage to create a life that feels meaningful to you. And you don't have to cut your connection with your loved one or your past to move into a fulfilling future. Never ever!

I also learned that having grief support is critical. Getting assistance from a grief-informed professional really helps us get through the life transition of loss more quickly and with greater ease.

Back To the Shadowlands

In the past year, I’ve found myself back on the threshold to the Shadowlands.

Several loved ones have lost ground this summer. I’m paying closer attention to people I love because I know change is in the wind.

But I feel more prepared this time. I know not to resist the unknown and the uncontrollable.  I’m prepared for difficult situations with no clear or good solutions, where my only guidance will come from my values. I have strategies for facing hard decisions. I am able to hold space for my emotions and make space for them.

I got to this place because of the work I did to heal from the death of my mother in 2018. I paid attention to my emotional experience, and it helped lead me in a good life direction.

But I also know something else that’s critical: I can’t get through the Shadowlands alone.

No matter what I’ve faced in the past decade, whatever’s coming my way will be completely different. And while I feel more prepared this time, it doesn’t make the journey easier.

I’m still leaning on my good grief companions and friends. I’m turning to my trusted professionals to walk me through the toughest terrain.

This time, I have my team and I appreciate every last one of them.

How about you?

Are you tired of navigating grief alone?

If so, I urge you to explore grief coaching. I offer no-obligation discovery calls to anyone who wants to meet me and get answers to all your questions.

I also welcome calls from anyone who wants to meet me before they refer me to a friend or family member. If that’s you, you’re also welcome to schedule a call.

Grief and loss are inevitable parts of life. But prolonged suffering is optional, and grief is manageable.

And life is too short and too beautiful to miss much of it.

You're in my heart.

Got Questions about Grief Coaching?

Struggling over the death of a loved one? Grief coaching can teach you coping skills to get you through the worst of it more quickly and forward into a hopeful future. 

My coaching uses proven methods for helping people adapt to life after loss. You’ll learn exactly how to work with intense emotions, so they cause you less suffering. You’ll know how to recognize your own healing progress, giving you hope that life can feel easier again. Grief coaching also helps you get clearer on what matters most to you. You’ll start to recreate a life after loss that truly feels worth living.

Rather connect through email? Send your questions to cindy@shadowlandscoaching.com.

Get A Griever's Guide to the Shadowlands of Loss