Once upon a time, I had a different job. I loved it.

For almost two decades, I worked with libraries all over the country. The job allowed me to teach and travel and engage with people who felt like family.

But at the time my mother’s health started going downhill, so did my job.

New management rewrote my job description. I found myself sitting for hours – days – in front of a computer. Entering data. Writing reports no one read.

The week my mother started actively dying, my work stress peaked. It took my job from pointless and painful to completely unbearable.

I resigned two days after my mother passed.

I told people I left my job. But the truth was, my job left me.

My mother’s death and my career’s demise. All in the space of a week.

I no longer recognized my life.

I was lost in the wilderness.

Finding Your Way Back

Some big life changes are by choice. Others happen to you out of the blue.

Either way, they have one thing in common.

They make you feel like a stranger in a strange land.

My clients often say, “I want my life back.”

The best thing for being sad…is to learn something.  ~ Merlin to young King Arthur, The Once and Future King by TH White.

Caregivers feel lost in the daily care of their loved ones.

Surviving life partners feel lost in their new identities of widow or widower.

Parentless adults feel unmoored without a mother or father to please and argue with and turn to when the world breaks their heart.

Life is full of thresholds. Those drastic life events that open you up and rearrange your whole insides.

How do you get your bearings? How do you find your way back to normal when you can’t even figure out which way’s up?

My friend.

I’ve crossed many thresholds during my time on Earth. And there are three key strategies that always help me find my way back to the heart of my life.

Learn something. Create something. Contribute something.

Learn something

Curiosity is the quickest cure for stuckness.

Learning something new diverts your attention away from the future and into the moment.

Everything’s always okay in this moment.

And when it comes to learning something, the skies the limit.

Open yourself up and let the world change you.

You can learn physics. Or watercolor. Car mechanics. Kitchen organizing. Political organizing.

There’s nothing to lose, either. The pandemic brought forth learning opportunities at many price points, starting with “free.” And lots of formats. You can always find something that fits your schedule and learning style.

The beauty of affordable learning is that you don’t have to commit.

Don’t be surprised if you want to skip from topic to topic. That’s perfectly normal.

The search is part of the adventure.

Create something

Human beings are innately creative. They thrive on dreaming and making those dreams reality.

You may think you’re not creative, but you are. It’s how humans are built. We create in spite of themselves.

But it’s much more satisfying when we choose to do it.

I personally know people who have created:

• Gardens
• Furniture, sometimes without tools
• Feasts
• Rituals and traditions
• Adventure vacations
• Unconventional families
• Online communities
• Minimalist living spaces

Hey! I now can create vegan cheese. 

So, I know for a fact, you can create anything.

 All you need is a bit of faith and a commitment to experimentation.

Contribute Something

Nothing lifts your spirits like making the world a better place. Even if it’s just a tiny corner of the world.

Like the church office’s junk drawers or the empty flower bed at the neighborhood entrance.

Not sure what you have to give? Trust me, the world needs everything.

It needs the quilts you make from cast-off clothing. Those preemie beanies you know how to knit. Your vegetable soup and sourdough bread.

It needs your knowledge of math. And composting. And coaxing cranky babies to sleep.

It needs your flare for putting a linen closet in order. Or minimalizing living spaces.

The world needs your big heart. Your diplomatic finesse. Your stamina and commitment to cause.

The world needs your attention.

It needs you to share.

And you need the world to need you.

Because it will help you feel alive again.

A Word About Timing

There’s an important caveat I need to add here.

You may not be ready to reconnect to life at the moment.

If this post makes you weary or overwhelmed or irritated, the time isn’t right for you to move forward. Not yet.

If you feel like the last thing you need is another project, trust your instincts.

It means you’re still in the throws of grief work.

Mourning must take priority over moving forward. (You might be interested in my post Wading into Grief about mourning.)

Humans are woven together in ways I still don’t understand. We feel another person’s death at a cellular level.

You must attend to the rips and tears in your soul first.

And you need to rest. Never underestimate the importance of rest to ALL forms of healing.

Trust me on this.

You’ll eventually feel the pull. The instinct to move forward. And that’s when it’s time to start wading back into the flow of life.

If you’re not sure how, focus on the stepping stones I offered here.

Learn something.

Create something.

Contribute something.

If you're facing the loss of a loved one  and/or a best friend, chances are you're  overwhelmed by the thought of reconnecting to the flow of life.  Life will never get back to "normal," but you can feel connected and hopeful again. 

That's why I'm a life coach as well as a grief coach.  Once I support you through  what happened,  we work together to figure out  what's next. 

If you have questions, please take me up on the invitation for a no-cost, no obligation discovery call.  We meet, you share your story, and I describe how you and I can work together to integrate your loss and move toward hope.  I promise to never pressure you to sign up for coaching. 

 When you're ready, click the button to get on my calendar.

Not up for a call? Drop me an email at cindy@shadowlandscoaching.com