If you’re grieving, you may also be fretting about self care.

You know self care is important, maybe now more than ever.

You’re aware that chronic stress can lead to serious illness. You’ve heard the stories of people who die soon after the death of a spouse or loved one, seemingly from a broken heart.

But healthy living is hard when you’re grieving.

It’s hard to put time into preparing healthy meals when your appetite is nonexistent.

It’s hard to work out when you’re exhausted from sadness and anxiety.

Sleep is elusive. Mindfulness can intensify emotional pain. Socializing exposes you to people who say infuriating things.

Self-care can feel like one more impossible thing to manage in the midst of grief.

Listen.

Yes, self care is important.

But, if you’re grieving, you need to keep your self-care program as simple as possible. So, here’s a two-step process anyone can follow:

Step one: Stop worrying about self care

Step two: Move daily.

The Magic Wand

Psychologist and bereaved mother Lucy Hone, author of Resilient Grieving, calls exercise a “magic wand for mental health.” As a researcher specializing in resilience, Hone found that exercise is invaluable in helping people cope with the anxiety of losing a loved one.

…if you’re not exercising, you may as well be taking a pill that makes you depressed – that how much a difference not moving makes in our lives. ~ Lucy Hone, Resilient Grieving.

The death of a loved one is a chronic stressor. You can never escape the source of your stress, which is the absence of your loved one from your life.

Instead, you must deliberately process your stress daily. That’s how you gradually adapt to your permanently altered life. It’s also how you guard against the bodily wear and tear of grief-anxiety that can lead to illness.

The book Burnout, by educators Emily and Amelia Nagoski, is practically an instruction manual for dealing with chronic anxiety. The authors offer a list of scientifically proven activities for effective stress management. The authors wrote that daily exercise is, by far, the most efficient method. 

 You don’t have to follow a sophisticated or intense exercise program for anxiety relief.

In fact, walking is a standout activity for helping grievers incorporate stress-relieving movement into their days.

Walking is convenient. You can walk indoors or outdoors. You don’t need any special equipment, although supportive shoes help. It deepens your breathing, countering the shallow breaths cause by stress.

You also may find walking’s a gateway activity to other forms of self-care:

• Walking outside gives you exposure to natural light, which is proven to boost your mood. It also increases cognitive function, counteracting the forgetfulness and lack of focus caused by “grief brain.”
• Adding a daily walk to your day adds routine, a proven practice for giving grievers a sense of order during their chaotic life after loss.
• It’s a gentle way to connect with others. You can walk with a friend or be among people without needing to talk much.
• Daily walking can improve your sleep and appetite for nourishing food.

Of course, walking isn’t an option for everyone. Other forms of movement, like chair yoga, also help process chronic stress. Even inhaling and exhaling and tracking the movement of your breath through your body may offer stress relief.

One of Emily Nagoski’s clients was able to relieve stress by lying on a bed and systematically tensing and releasing her muscles. If you’d like to read Nagoski’s specific exercise, check out Burnout, Chapter 1.

Energy Management

Maybe you dislike exercise and doubt you can start now. Or perhaps you're an avid exerciser wondering if lighter activity is worthwhile.

Remember this. For grievers, exercise isn’t a fitness tool. It’s an energy management tool.

Befriending pain is fatiguing, difficult work, so it’s absolutely essential to replenish your energy as often and as fully as you can. ~ Alan Wolfelt, Understanding Your Grief

Grieving is relentless and exhausting, mentally and physically. It takes endurance.

Self care is about pacing yourself through the long healing journey. Grief expert Alan Wolfelt calls this process the “encounter-evade” approach.

You alternate between diving deep into your emotional pain and stepping away from it by engaging in relaxing and pleasurable activities.

These distractions don’t set you back. They allow you to rest and replenish your strength.

Movement, especially walking, is the type of activity that provides a much-needed reprieve from grief.

So, lace up your sneakers.

Step outside

And take a self-care break from grief.