Forget New Year’s resolutions and word-of-the-year. For 2023, start living as you’d like to be remembered. 

Ann Crile Esselstyn is a fierce 87-year-old woman who gardens, practices yoga with flexibility envied by younger classmates, and strength-trains by dragging truck tires uphill.

Ann is the matriarch of a somewhat famous vegan family.  Her husband is Dr. Caldwell Esselstyn, a physician renowned for his research connecting diet and heart disease. In the 1980s, he came home one day and announced he’d no longer be eating meat.

It was an era when soy sauce was the most exotic item in the local grocery store. There was no Amazon delivery. No vegetarian Facebook groups.  No YouTubers demonstrating how to make vegan cheese from cashews and nutritional yeast.

Yet Ann stepped up to the challenge. And her lifestyle paid off for her. She is one of few 80-somethings in the US who takes no medications for chronic health conditions.

Story has it that her biggest health challenge to date was a broken hip. She was a guest at a party where she slipped on a bit of meat dropped on the floor.

Ann’s children and grandchildren now adhere to a vegan lifestyle.*  In a book she recently authored with her daughter Jane, family members  submitted their own testimony about how a vegan diet contributes to their own health. Ann could not be prouder.

In the ninth decade of her life, she’s observing her own legacy.

New Year, New Opportunity 

I’m not much for New Year’s resolutions. Even the short-hand version, the “word of the year,” falls out of my memory by Martin Luther King Day in mid-January.

But as 2023 enters stage right, I’ve been thinking of my own legacy. That is, how do I want to have a long-lasting impact on the people in my world.  

I ponder about  what I can offer to the younger generations of my family and friends. When I die, how do I hope they’ll remember me. How will they use my example to live more empowered lives?

Contemplating your death five times daily brings happiness ~ Bhutanese folk saying

This is what I mean by “legacy building.” And while it may look like my focus is on serving others, it’s actually serving me most.

Because when I’m focused on what matters, I find joy.

We humans are hardwired to make a difference in the world. We get in serious psychological trouble when we stop believing in the importance of our efforts. Lack of purpose can be a fast path to depression.

That’s why one of the first conversations I have with my clients is about what matters to them.

How do they like to show caring toward others? How do they want to contribute to their families and communities? What committed actions allow them to connect deeply with the people in their lives?

Once we have a solid sense of what matters to us, we’ve found our North Star.

When life gets hard, “what matters” can guide us through a fog of confusion. It’s our best guide for making no-win decisions.  

When life lacks luster, pursuit of “what matters” can brighten our day. And once you know what matters to you, there’s an abundance of opportunity to engage in it.

One way to figure out what matters to you is to determine how you’d like to be remembered.

Knowing Your Legacy

Here’s a simple exercise to help you identify your legacy.

Start with this thought: You are the living legacy of the people who raised you, taught you, and loved you.

Now, write down the names of five people you know personally. They may be living or dead. Family or friends.

Next, list the things you admire about each one of them.

Recognize how each person influenced how you live now. What did you absorb from being in their orbit? What did they teach you about life? About yourself?

Life is an eternal echo. ~ Mecha Constantine, author 

For example, I can trace my professional success back to my grandmothers. Both of them worked outside the house in an era where working women were rare. My maternal grandmother inspired my mother to pursue her own career as a teacher. My paternal grandmother taught my father to value the independence that women get from earning their own income and having a workplace identity. My parents, in turn, made funding my education a priority.  

Now, imagine the people in your life who will likely outlive you.  The people who, one day, may be asked by a life coach to do this very exercise.

What do you hope they’ll write about you?

Bingo. You just figured out your legacy.

How I Want to Be Remembered

Here’s how I hope to inspire the people in my life who survive me.

I want them to remember me as someone who really saw them. Who listened deeply to them when they needed comfort or support as they sorted out stressful situations.

I want them to remember me as a trusted companion who could stay steady in the presence of their intense emotions. The friend who never tried to fix them or move them faster toward normal. 

That I was willing to  enter their hell and sit with them until they were ready to move forward. And when that time came, I walked beside them step-by-step at the pace they set.

Mind you, I don’t mean to say I’ve mastered any of these qualities. Not by a long shot.

But my desired legacy will guide how I fill my days.  It will help me choose the work I pursue. The classes I take. The activities I choose on any given day.

Your legacy is almost certainly different from mine. 

Maybe you want to demonstrate to your loved ones the peacefulness of living in an uncluttered house.

Maybe, like Ann Esselstyn, you want them to enjoy the physical vitality that comes from eating a healthy diet.

Or perhaps you want others to learn the feeling of empowerment that comes from having a handle on their finances. Or to experience how relationships are strengthened through well-planned family rituals and celebrations.

The bottom line is, find what matters to you and fully appreciate how it’s a gift to others. That they watch you and adopt your example into their own lives. And, in doing so, they carry your legacy forth to generations that come after you’ve passed.

My wish for you is that you recognize how deeply your life benefits others. And that your gifts will make a difference to generations who come long after you’ve left the earthly realm.

Most of all, I hope the knowledge that your life matters adds a layer of joy to your experiences in the coming year.

Happy New Year!

*Note: I’m not a health professional, so I‘m not promoting a vegan diet and don’t adhere to one myself.  I simply offer Ann Esselstyn’s story as an example of legacy-building. Please consult your health care provider about any diets you want to adopt.  If you're interested, the cookbook I referred to is The Plant-Based Women Warriors by Jane and Ann Esselstyn. 

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